[Swoff]A story.

A man fires a rifle for many years...

and he goes to war.

And afterward, he turns the rifle in at the armory¡¦

and he believes he's finished with the rifle.

But no matter what else he might do with his hands...

Love a woman, build a house...

change his son's diaper...

his hands remember the rifle.

[Fitch]You are no longer black, or brown, or yellow or red!

You are now green!

You are light green or dark green!

Do you understand?

[all]Sir, yes, sir!

Swofford!

Sir, yes, sir!

You the maggot whose father served in Vietnam?

Sir, yes, sir!

Outstanding! Did he have the balls to die there?

Sir, no, sir!

Too fucking bad! He ever talk about it?

- Sir, only once, sir! //- Good! Then he wasn't lying!

Are you eyeballing me with those baby blues?

- Are you? //- Sir, no, sir!

- Are you in love with me, Swofford? //- Sir, no, sir!

You don't think I look good in my uniform, Swofford?

Sir, the drill sergeant looks fabulous in his uniform, sir!

So you're gay, then, and you love me, huh?

Sir, I'm not gay, sir!

- Do you have a girlfriend, Swofford? //- Sir, yes, sir!

Guess again, motherfucker! Jody's banging her right now!

Get on your face and give me 25...

for every time she gets fucked this month.

Down on your face!

[Swoff]It was shortly after meeting Drill Instructor Fitch¡¦

that I realized that joining the Marine Corps...

might have been a bad decision.

What in the fuck is this?

Sir, it's a recruit's drawing of a footlocker, sir!

Jesus, Joseph and doggie-style Mary!

That is a pile of dog shit.

Sir, the recruit's never been good at drawing, sir!

Why the fuck are you my scribe, then?

Isn't my scribe supposed to know how to draw?

Sir, the recruit doesn't know!

The recruit thought the scribe was supposed to write, sir!

Of course the recruit doesn't know!

The recruit doesn't know because I haven't told him!

[groaning]All right, cum-for-brains¡¦

show me exactly where your Skivvies and running shoes go.

Sir, the recruit can't think...

while the drill instructor is hitting him on his head, sir!

You can't think while I'm giving you a few love taps?

How the fuck are you going to fire your rifle¡¦

when grenades are going off in your face?

What the fuck are you even doing here?

Sir, I got lost on the way to college, sir!

¢Ý [Don't Worry Be Happy playing]

[Swoff]So, now my hands were dick skinners.

A flashlight was a moonbeam. A pen was an ink stick.

My mouth was a cum receptacle.

A bed was a rack. A wall was a bulkhead.

A shirt was a blouse.

A tie was still a tie, and a belt a belt.

But many other things would never be the same.

[Marines sounding off]

[Marines sounding off]

Swofford. What kind of fucking name is that?

It's English.

My great-grandfather came over here in the 19th century.

Whatever.

I'm putting you in Golf Company.

It's full of retards and fuck ups.

Maybe you can elevate the sons of bitches a little.

Or maybe not.

Next.

[Marines chattering]

[Swoff]Jarhead: noun. Slang for "Marine. "

Origin: from the resemblance to a jar¡¦

of the regulation high-and-tight haircut.

The Marine's head, by implication, therefore...

also a jar.

An empty vessel.

[Marines exclaiming]

Hey!

May I help you?

Yeah, I was assigned to Second Platoon.

Second Platoon?

Yeah.

- What's going on, boss? //- Nothing much, man.

- Welcome to Second Platoon. //- Thanks, man.

Hey, boys! Fresh fucking meat!

What kind of meat? We don't want you!

[grunting]

Boo, motherfucker!

[Marines hooting]

Get some!

[groaning]Oh, fuck.

[gun clicking]

Yeah, we switched out the hot brand.

Little fuck-fuck trick we play on the new guys.

[gun clicking]

Nice.

You want a brand, you gotta earn it.

Welcome to the Suck.

[sighing]

[Nurse]Still got that stomach flu, Swofford?

I can't seem to shake it.

That's all right. Not everyone's cut out for the Marines.

[Swoff]But for me, there was nowhere else. That was the truth.

After all, I was made in a war.

Here's Mr. and Mrs. Swofford on R&R from Vietnam.

Honolulu Hilton, 1969.

I can't watch...

and neither can you.

And here are some other things I can't show you.

Visiting my sister.

[sobbing]

Making muffins with Mom.

Breakfast conversations with Dad.

But here are some things you can see.

Taking a dump.

Thinking about going to college.

Studying after school with my girlfriend.

Oh, my God, I love you. I love you, too.

Giving away my favorite USMC T-shirt.

I'll write you every day.

[Staff Sgt. Sykes]Hey!

Swofford?

- Swofford? //- Yo.

What the fuck? You're sick?

No, I just had a stomach thing, sir.

Staff Sergeant Sykes.

I'm with Surveillance and Target Acquisition. STA.

I heard it took six guys to pull that little branding trick on you.

Your file says that you ain't too fucking dumb, either.

So you better get un-sick most motherfucking ricky-tick¡¦

because there's a chance that you could be a scout sniper.

What the fuck is this?

The Stranger by Camus.

That's some heavy dope right there, Marine.

Mary however....

That's when we ran up to the office....

Indoc class starts on Monday. I suggest you have your ass there.

Is that an order, Staff Sergeant?

It's a fucking opportunity.

It's a fucking honor.

It's the best fucking job in the Marine Corps.

Sounds good, Staff Sergeant.

- Sounds good, Staff Sergeant! //- Sounds good.

Could I have my....

You know what? I got a better idea.

You play any instruments?

I played the trumpet in third grade, Staff Sergeant.

Played the trumpet in third grade? Good.

You still play?

A little, for small holiday concerts and festivals.

Good. You ain't gotta be Chuck Mangione.

All I need is a bugler.

Somebody to play Taps, Reveille, Battle March...

that type of shit, raise the morale. Does that interest you?

Oh, yeah.

Good! Parade field, 0600.

All right, thank you, Staff Sergeant!

My pleasure.

Can I get my book?

[trash can rattling]

There's 60 of you. I only need eight.

That means 52 of you will perish. Do the math.

There's no possible way that all of you can make it.

If you think you're worth some shit--

Staff Sergeant Sykes!

Private Swofford reporting for bugle tryout!

Indoc! Atten-hut!

I don't give out too many special treats...

but this morning, we have a very special treat.

Private Swofford here is going to play Reveille for us.

Okay, Swofford, play Reveille.

[whispering]I don't have a bugle, Staff Sergeant.

- [whispering]You don't have a what? //- I don't have a bugle.

Oh, no. No, no. Damn, damn.

You better play with your mouth.

What?

I said, play it with your goddamn mouth.

¢Ý [imitating bugle]

Fuck.

¢Ý [imitating bugle]

I love that tone. Sounds good to me. My morale is lifted.

You know any Stevie Wonder?

You know You Are The Sunshine Of My Life?

- Yes, Staff Sergeant. //- Good, that's a classic.

[clears throat]

¢Ý [imitating bugle]

[Sykes snapping fingers]

Will you shut the fuck up? There is no bugle program.

You sizzle-dick motherfucker.

Who do you think you are, some kind of Kenny G or some shit?

- No, Staff Sergeant. //- Good.

Now to the rest of you, do you have what it takes...

to be the meanest, the cruelest, the most savage¡¦

unforgiving motherfuckers in God's cruel kingdom?

[all]Yes, Staff Sergeant!

Will you be able to one day say, "Yea, though I walk...

through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil¡¦

because I am the baddest motherfucker in the goddamn valley"?

[all]Yes, Staff Sergeant!

We shall fucking see!

- You still here? //- Yes, Staff Sergeant!

Yes, what?

Yes, I am still here, Staff Sergeant.

So fucking be it. Fall in!

- One mile! //- [all]One mile!

- Ain't shit! //- [all]Ain't shit!

- Two miles! //- Two miles!

[Sykes]Your mission is to kill me.

My mission is to kill you first, and I'm good.

Them paintball bullets, they hurt?

[groaning]Oh, shit! Fuck, I can't see!

Back to the grunts, dick face!

[Sykes]In order to engage your target¡¦

you must see your target, but your target must not see you.

Shevitz.

[all laughing]

You laugh, you die. Scratch your nose, you die.

You shift your weight to take a piss, you will die.

You want to shit, you better shit in your pants.

[Sykes]Still kind of cute, huh, Swoff?

No, sir.

This suit will hide you. You will become a tree. A rock.

You are mud, sand, and dust.

- Still funny? //- No, sir.

In order to fire accurately...

you must be able to judge distance and wind direction.

How far are those trees?

- [Swoff]500 yards. //- No.

- [Jocko]600. //- [Troy]300

- 300. How did you figure that? //- Three football fields.

Three football fields, that's right.

You take what you know and then you multiply.

Please don't use your dicks.

They're too small, and I can't count that high.

I don't wanna hear, "400,000 inches."

Now, wind. You use what you have.

Use a flag, use a plume of smoke, a little bit of dust.

Spit on your finger and hold that bitch up.

These are formulas that you can use...

but in the end, you have to trust your gut.

Details, gentlemen.

Details is gonna be the difference between you killing your target¡¦

and your target killing you.

We've all been taught that, "Thou shalt not kill. "

But hear this:

Fuck that shit!

Now, consider your target.

If you are lucky, in that window will one day emerge¡¦

the figure of the enemy.

The JFK shot.

The pink mist.

[Troy]Fire, fire, fire.

Hit.

Fire, fire, fire.

[gunfire]

[Sykes]The sounds that you are hearing are live rounds.

You will get the fear out of you. Keep moving.

If you pick your head up, you will get fucked up!

Let's find out if we have any bitch in you!

[gunfire]You guys crawl like old people fuck!

Keep moving! Get the fear out of you.

Keep moving! Do not bunch up!

- Keep moving! //- I can't!

[gasping]Keep your head down!

- Come on, man! //- [Swoff]Move!

[Sykes]Keep it moving. Just fucking move!

- Come on! //- No!

[Sykes]Keep moving! Don't bunch up!

You can do it!

- [Troy]You can fucking do it! //- [Sykes]Keep moving! Come on!

- I can't! Keep moving! //- Don't bunch up!

I can't! No!

Cease-fire! Cease-fire!

Corpsman!

Shit!

[gasping]

Shit.

I told you to keep your fucking head down!

If you listened to me...

you would still be fucking alive right now!

Stupid fuck!

[thunder rumbling]

[Sykes]God help me.

You are now scout snipers.

Now, I know you've heard this but I'm going to tell it to you again:

Snipers do not work alone.

You work as a team.

Spotter, shooter.

Spotter, shooter.

Spotter, shooter.

Spotter, shooter.

You may now open your case, pull out your M40A1 rifles.

Once you've done that, you will repeat after me.

- This is my rifle. //- [all]This is my rifle.

There are many like it, but this one is mine.

There are many like it, but this one is mine.

Without my rifle, I am nothing.

Without my rifle, I am nothing.

Without me, my rifle is nothing.

Without me, my rifle is nothing.

[Swoff]The grunt dies for 15,000 poorly placed rounds.

Fucking right.

The sniper dies...

for that one perfect shot.

[gunfire]

Hit.

Fire, fire, fire.

I was hooked.

Hit.

Fire, fire, fire.

Hit.

Fire, fire, fire.

[gunfire]

Hit.

I wanted the pink mist.

Good evening. Iraq invaded and took over...

its tiny neighbor, Kuwait, today.

That set off worldwide protests and drew sanctions¡¦

from the United States, Great Britain and the Soviet Union.

The government of dictator Saddam Hussein...

claimed it went in at the invitation of revolutionaries¡¦

who had overthrown the Kuwaiti government.

We have appealed to all our friends around the world¡¦

including the United States...

to come to our aid and assistance.

We're going to fucking war.

¢Ý [Ride of the Valkyries playing]

¢Ý [Marines singing Ride of the Valkyries]

¢Ü Ta-ta-da-da ¢Ü¢Ü

[all cheering]

[all]¢Ü Ta-ta-da-da ¢Ü¢Ü

[woman speaking in Vietnamese]

Shoot that motherfucker.

[chattering in Spanish]

[all cheering]

[Marines hooting]

Come on, start running, motherfucker.

Fuck.

Shoot that motherfucker!

Die!

[all cheering]

Run, Charlie!

[all sighing][announcer]Now hear this. Now hear this.

All personnel from 2-7...

are to report immediately to your company area.

Get some, Marines. Get some!

[all cheering]

[Marines chattering]

[Kruger]Me, I had a choice...

either join the Marines or go to jail.

And you know what the shit of it is?

- Yeah, if you'd gone to jail¡¦//- Don't spoil the joke, asshole.

If I'd have went to jail, I'd be getting out today.

- Would you like some nuts? //- No, thanks.

Yes, are they warm nuts?

No, I believe they're room temperature.

Well, maybe later you can come and warm up my nuts.

You know, I don't really like the little ones.

[chuckling]

- Okay, is that all? //- Yeah.

[stewardess]Would you like some nuts?

You poor bastard.

I bet your recruiter promised you a whole wide world of pussy, huh?

You fucking A.

Cocksucker knew the price of every whore from Olangapo to Stockholm.

And here we are, headed to the desert. No pussy in 1,000 miles.

Fucked by the green wienie again.

What would you be doing if you were a civilian?

Staying up late, jacking off...

playing Metroid, trying to get to that ninth level?

You know what happens when you get there?

Nothing. You just start all over again.

How long you think we'll be there? Two weeks?

Less, man. We'll be back so fast...

we'll still be shitting out those nuts.

Good luck, now. Goodbye, now.

Good luck, now. Goodbye, now.

Want to keep me company for two weeks?

Goodbye, now.

- You don't know what you're missing. //- Yeah, yeah.

Damn!

[helicopter whirring]

[inaudible]

[Marines chattering]

Attention on deck!

Take your seats.

- Good afternoon, Marines. [all]//- Good afternoon, sir!

Jesus, did you just land in a war zone or a funeral parlor?

- Good afternoon, Marines! //- Good afternoon, sir!

I just felt my dick move.

[all laughing]

For those of you who don't know me...

I'm Lieutenant Colonel Kazinski, your battalion commander.

We are now a part of Operation Desert Shield.

Now, just north of us...

Saddam Hussein's got one million Iraqi soldiers.

And some of those boys have been fighting...

since you were nine or ten years old.

They are tough.

They will stop at nothing.

They've used nerve gas against the Iranians and the Kurds.

Now, here's a picture.

I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking, "Let's kick ass and take names¡¦

and end this shit the day before yesterday.

[all]Yeah!

But the bureaucrats have a lot of jawboning to do.

So for now, these Iraqis who have raped and pillaged...

poor little Kuwait are not yet in our gun sights.

Our current mission is to protect the oil fields¡¦

of our good friends in the Kingdom of Saud...

until further notice.

And gentlemen, I'm talking a lot of oil.

A lot of oil.

So you will hydrate, you will train...

you will adjust to this desert, and you'll hydrate some more.

And you will be ready.

You will maintain a constant state of suspicious alertness¡¦

and one day soon...

Saddam Hussein is gonna regret pulling this sorry shit.

[all]Ooh-rah!

[Fowler]We're gonna kick some lraqi ass!

[laughing]

What did you say?

We're gonna kick some lraqi ass, sir!

Oh, hell, son.

What, you gonna win the Medal of Honor all by yourself?

What's the rest of my battalion gonna do?

[all]Kick some lraqi ass!

You know, I think it's time for me to retire.

I can't hear a fucking thing!

Kick some lraqi ass!

Oh, boys, I just got a hard-on!

[all laughing]

[Fowler]Man, this defensive position shit sucks, huh?

We need to get out of this shit hole soon.

I need to shoot something!

You're gonna get all you want soon enough.

First to fucking fight!

Yeah. For what?

I've been around these old white fuckers all my life.

They got their fat hands in Arab oil.

The motherfuckers drink it like it's beer.

That's why we're here, to protect their profits.

You're full of shit. He's full of shit.

Who do you think gave Saddam all his fucking weapons?

We did!

Fuck politics, all right? We're here.

All the rest is bullshit.

[Fowler]Yeah.

[mumbling]

Everyone else is unpacking, man.

I'm taking a break.

[Fowler]What you got?

Photos.

- She's hot. Yours? //- Yes, man.

You better shoot yourself in the foot...

and get a ticket home...

because Jodies are gonna be all over her!

[all exclaiming]Look at her! Ain't she an animal!

They won't leave her alone!

- That's nice for a white chick, man. //- Thank you, man.

Nice? Come on.

I'd drink a gallon of her pee just to see where it came from.

All right, all right, all right.

This is hardcore right here.

This is close to porn. Let me see that one. Let me see.

She's got a baby fist down here.

Dream on, brothers, dream on.

I'm storing that for later, man. I'm storing it for later.

Hey, y'all horny fucks wanna see a beautiful woman?

Yeah! Let's see it. Let's see it.

- Give it up! //- Check this out.

- Yeah, boy! //- Give it up, give it up.

No, no, no.

Oh, no! Please don't love me!

Now, tell them how many tortillas she had before that picture.

[all laughing]

Hey, she's pregnant, man.

That's why she's so beautiful, man.

This is what it's all about right here, man.